Kids and porn, a reality check





I don’t think it’s a case of Why, but a case of At What Age. That you talk to your kids about porn is a must ... though you may consider to co-ordinate your talk with their teacher. But talk about it with them you must. The question is at what age, and the answer will shock you.



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Why you should talk to your kids about porn

by Meshel Laurie, SMH


I spoke to my twins about porn when they were eight. Quite specifically. I told them that sometimes people film themselves having sex, all kinds of sex, sometimes sex that hurts people and makes people, especially women look pathetic and unimportant, and then other people watch it.


“My God,” exclaimed my son, hand pressed to his chest, “why?”


He literally dry-heaved when I told him how babies were made, so I’ve come to expect rather flamboyant reactions from him under these circumstances. His father had a similar reaction when I told him I’d inititated the conversation. “My god, Meshel. Why?”


Because the average age at which children see pornography was 11 at that stage, and that was a year ago. The stat has since been revised down to “between 9 and 11”. A recent awkward cool-mum convo revealed they’d both partaken in a weird pseudo pornographic version of an online game they play, in which “some people” make their characters twerk on other characters. “But really,” said my son, “it’s like having sex with Lego. Quite weird.”


Indeed.


While I’m sharing horrifying stats with you, apparently around a quarter of sexual assaults committed against children are now committed by other children, an increase experts put down, in part, to unsupervised internet access. Psychologist Amanda Baine from Act for Kids says it’s all to easy for unsupervised kids to see things online they don’t understand and then try to make sense of them through play.


She says we should lock our devices or our children’s devices. Mmm Hmmm.

When I was about 9, my bestie and I found her Dad’s stash of special magazines in the garage. We knew her mum would pop next door for a coffee at some stage so we waited patiently, and the minute she was gone we got into that garage and we pored over them. Those parents thought those mags were safely locked away, but kids are kids. I know that was slightly different. There was a lot more hair for one thing in those days, but the content was also pretty tame by today’s online standards. I see to recall a lot of soft focus and lace.


What remains the same though, is the pre-pubescent curiosity about sex that will find its way. If a child sees something online they don’t understand, that’s a problem. They should understand exactly what it is they’re seeing, and it’s our responsibility to prepare them for that, because that’s the reality of the world they live in. Locking the internet simply isn’t dealing with reality. Have you never tried to hide the good biscuits?


Meshel Laurie is the host of the Australian True Crime Podcast.